A Heart for People

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' -Matthew 22:37-38

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9


I've had a serious writer's block going, and it's been going for quite a while. I knew exactly when it started, and even had an inkling why, but didn't quite know from where the source of it was springing.

It started around the time of the election that disappointed and, quite honestly, even scared me, though I'm not going to get into political hot topics right now. That was part of it, but it was more the behavior of people I was observing on the news and interacting with directly, in response to the election that really got to me and shut down my "muse", so to speak... Sickened and saddened me to the point that I just felt I had nothing to say for a while.

Eventually I was able to write something, but only when I got angry about a gross injustice within the Carepage community, where I maintain a page for my health issues. The result of that was "Sin Diagnosis". After I got that out of my system, again I found myself with nothing to say. A friend even gently approached me to inquire as to whether I'd lost my faith, because I hadn't been writing. No... that's remained strong throughout.

After a while, I found myself wanting to write again, to write about what God has been teaching me, and I made a lot of false starts, but just couldn't seem to stick with it and finish anything. My heart wasn't in it. Not really. Because there was this disgruntled feeling inside that I just couldn't get rid of. It didn't help that within my personal life, I was struggling something awful with my health, and feeling like I was doing it all alone. Though we're encouraged to help one another, there just never seems to be anybody near, able and willing to provide any help for me. And I felt discouraged and very lonely.

And it didn't help that, as society continued its decline from bad to worse, going out in public became increasingly unpleasant. Despite police efforts to combat it, road rage continues to get worse, until even driving to the local grocery store sometimes feels like a big risk. And it's getting harder to find anybody who will return a smile and a friendly 'hello', so that sometimes I feel downright invisible because of the lack of response my smiles are getting! Within the stores, people are just pushing their carts around with scowls on their faces, quickly expressing exasperation for people encroaching on their "personal space." An older couple stopped their cart rather than go around my son, who just happened to be in their path and was picking up something he'd dropped before rejoining me, and they turned to glare at me, hands on hips, as if I had no business bringing children into a grocery store. And on another occasion in a different sort of store, a young woman took her frustrations out on my husband, simply because he was "in her way" while he was perusing the shelves looking for a birthday gift for our youngest child. He hadn't even been aware she was there, until she loudly sighed, and he promptly apologized and stepped out of her way, only to be called a foul name in response! This sort of unwarranted rudeness just seems to be skyrocketing lately, in our experience. It's very discouraging. And doesn't do much to make me feel any love for my fellow humans.

And therein lies the crux... I hadn't lost my heart for God. I'd lost my heart for people! I was feeling no love for these people who were doing nothing to deserve any, never mind that it's often those who least deserve love who most need it demonstrated to them. I'd grown weary of doing good, and wanted nothing to do with anybody who might take and then give nothing in return. And THAT was stopping up my desire to write, which is definitely a labor of love that doesn't really yield much tangible reward. Praise God that He always loves us faithfully! Praise God that when you realize your well of love is empty, and ask Him to fill it, He does so abundantly! Asking Him to fill you with His love for others, whether it be for one particular difficult person, or the general mass of mankind, always works! And because His love for people is once again flowing through me, so again are my words flowing out into cyberspace.

Father, thank you so much for Your unfailing love, given freely to us all, though we are undeserving and so often fail to return any love to You. And thank you, Father, for being so generous in sharing that love with us, just for the asking! Help us to apply that where ever there is a need in our lives, where ever there are people that we are having trouble loving. Turn us into veritable fountains of Christ's love, splashing it forth on all around us, luring the lost towards You, and shining a ray of hope into the darkness of this fallen world. In Jesus' name, amen.


P.S. Despite the event that triggered "Sin Diagnosis", www.carepages.com is a terrific place to go to set up a page to keep your family and friends apprised of medical situations, including pregnancies. And it's free!

This I Know

Author's note: This is another piece of writing from my archives. It was written during the summer of 2005, while our family was jumping through hoops to meet Uncle Sam's demands for medical testing on our then 3yr old, who has a relatively rare medical problem, to make sure he was fit to go overseas for our new foreign service posting. It was a very stressful time for us, but it was also a faith-building time... Funny how that often happens in times of stress. :-) This item was eventually published in The Encourager.

The popular children’s Sunday school song goes “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I don’t know about anyone else, but simply reading something doesn’t make it feel real to me. Nor does it make it feel personal. John 3:16 tells us that God created the whole salvation plan because He so loved the world. For me, that always seemed a bit impersonal, because I sure don’t equate myself with the rest of the world… A bit egocentric of me, I know. It has taken developing a personal relationship with the Lord, over time, to convince me that He loves me for myself and not just as part of His collective creativity. Recently, though, the depth of that love took on a new meaning for me.
There’s something about having the whole family cooped up together in a hotel room or a car for an extended amount of time that really pushes one’s buttons until loving one another becomes more a matter of commitment than of feeling. No matter how good the relationships are the rest of the time, I think even the best of them can start to get the best of us. Add in a plethora of strangers from doctors’ offices, restaurants, stores, and on the street, plus a hefty dose of stress on top of that, and it seems the whole world starts to get the better of us as we begin to long for some solitude far away from every two-legged creature capable of voicing demands or expressing opinions. Both my husband and I started finding ourselves amazed… no, make that flabbergasted… at just how stupid and strange human beings can be in general. I found myself commenting to him, “What does God see in us humans, anyway?!” And suddenly I got a glimpse of a love so great as to be beyond my understanding, and it would have brought me to my knees if I’d been standing.
Psalm 139:13-16 explains to us that God created our inmost being, and that we’re fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God saw our unformed bodies and all our days were written in His book long before our birth. To put it in other words, He knew us before we were formed in the womb, before we were born (Jer 1:5). Yet we were born anyway.
Picture this: a husband and wife spending a romantic evening together, perhaps having a candlelit dinner with dancing, and then just as they’re prepared to enter the bedroom, a messenger arrives to tell them that if they go through that bedroom door, they will conceive a child who will wreck their home; push their marriage to the limits of its commitment; get in their way and interfere in every project they undertake; cause them unimaginable heartache; AND will require great pain and suffering on the part of the parents to redeem the child’s life… How many couples do you know would still be in the mood? Even if this couple were also told all the wonderful things about such a child, I think in most cases there’d be a lot of nights ending with one spouse on the couch!
God could have chosen not to create us. He could have chosen to create only people who fit a certain set of criteria. He could have chosen to create only people that He knew weren’t going to cause Him a moment’s heartache, and would have made perfect choices to follow His plan at all times. He knew Adam and Eve were going to break His heart, but He created them anyway. Ditto for everyone else we read about in the Bible… Even those described as being faithful and after His heart made mistakes. Not one human has been perfect except Jesus Himself, and God has loved them all anyway.
That’s equally true today, with you and me. I’ve often wondered what good I am, wondered why I’m here, especially when chronic illness keeps me from doing anything that seems of any significance to me. I’ve been guilty of feeling worthless enough to think that the world God so loves means everybody except me, particularly if I’m feeling sorry for myself on a bad day. But God knew all along the sins I would commit over the course of my lifetime. He knew how often I was going to get in the way of His good work, necessitating a correction in the scheme of things to keep His plan on track. And He knew I’d be facing physical and emotional limitations that would keep me from being much in my own eyes. He knew all along just what sort of person I was going to be, all the details, good and bad. And He allowed me to be born anyway. That’s love. It’s a love beyond my understanding, but as long as God knows why He loves me, it’s good enough for me. So I sing with great joy, Jesus loves me, this I know!

Father, I thank you so very much for loving me, just as I am. I thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Your loving hand, and only the fallen world, and Your plan to build my character, has put these flaws- perceived and real- upon my body like battle scars. I thank you for making me who I am today, and thank you even more for making me who I will be tomorrow, for You aren't finished with me yet. Help me to be all that You have planned me to be. Shape me into a person after Your own heart, that I may bring You more joy than heartache. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.