Hurry Up and Wait

Author's note: This is the last of my archived pieces, but one, which I won't post until closer to Christmas, since that is its subject. From here on out, excepting that Christmas piece, it's going to be all new writing. I owe my readers an apology, few though they are... I've put off writing since getting back to the US, arguing that I just didn't have the time for it now that I had housework to do and an additional child to care for, but looking at the way I use my time, I can see I've let time studying and writing about God's Word slide in favor of much less important things. Caring for the home and family are very important, of course, but there were other things that I've been doing that haven't been, including wasting time on the internet and in emails that could be better used in other activities, including studies and writing. That's going to change. I owe it to God, I owe it to myself and my family, and I owe it to anyone who can benefit from reading about my journey of faith, for Titus 2:4-5 admonishes us to teach those who are younger (including in the faith) to do what we have learned to do through our journey through God's Word. Back to this piece... It, too, was written the summer before we went to a new post in 2005.

Life has recently put my family in an awkward position. We’re a family who serves our country within the diplomatic community overseas. We’re between posts, wanting to go back overseas to continue serving as we have for the past six years, but having to wait until we obtain medical clearance before we can, a tricky feat considering our two year old was only recently diagnosed with not one, but two rare disorders, one causing the other. He appears to be doing fine, and the emotional turmoil that we’ve endured these past few months over his condition is a faith story all by itself, and not what I’m writing about right now. Rather, because the government is what it is, we’re finding it necessary to see doctor after doctor to gather all the minutiae about Ben’s condition and expected medical needs over the next few years so that the government can decide whether or not we’re all fit to safely live overseas. All these trips to doctors’ offices and hospital laboratories for consultations and tests have made day to day life very chaotic lately. The phrase that comes to mind is “Hurry up and wait!” We scramble to get three kids dressed, fed, and in the car, along with a properly stocked diaper bag and all pertinent medical files, negotiate traffic while consulting directions and maps, hurrying to get to our appointed locations on time. Then we wait. That’s the hard part. We get in, see the doctors or do the tests, go back to the hotel, and wait some more for answers or further instructions. Again we feel impatient.
Meanwhile, we have no idea where we’ll be going from here. If we get approval, we’ll be going back overseas. If not, we’ll have to settle down here in the US. Normally in times of transition, I’m the sort of person who is busily preparing for the next stage of our lives. It’s one of the ways that I deal with the stress of change, making myself ready for whatever lies ahead. But it’s hard to prepare for something when you don’t know what you’re preparing for! If I knew we’d be going overseas, I’d be shopping for things I know I’ll need there. If I knew we’d be staying in the US, I’d be taking steps to find us a place to live and a car to buy. In both cases, I’d be submitting changes of address to everyone who needed to know. Right now I can’t do any of that. For the first time in my life, I find myself in a position where I not only have to acknowledge that I have no control, but I have to accept that there’s nothing I can do to prepare for whatever lies ahead either. It’s sort of like sitting in a doctors’ office waiting room on a big scale. It’s been frustrating, a little frightening, maddening... and enlightening.
Most of us, I think, want to take control of things, fix things, organize things… anything to feel like we have some power over what happens to us. As Christians, we know that such feelings of power are illusions, of course, as ultimately God is the only One who really has any true power, but we take comfort in that illusion whenever and wherever we can, I believe, especially when our own bodies make us feel powerless. We don’t like feeling helpless. We want to DO something, MAKE something happen. It’s hard to just sit and wait. Hard to be still.
Exodus tells us the story of Israel being led out of slavery in Egypt. Chapter 14 describes how the Pharaoh changed his mind about letting the Israelites go and sent his army after them, trapping them between the army, the desert and the sea. This was definitely a situation in which the people no doubt felt a strong desire to DO something! There were probably all sorts of knee-jerk ideas about how to deal with this frightening problem, from surrendering in the hope of having their lives spared, even though that would put them back into the slavery that God was leading them out of; to fighting with anything they could find to use as a weapon (how successful do you suppose they’d be fighting with yokes and cooking pots?); to fleeing into the desert, abandoning all their possessions and provisions, which would have led to slow, certain death. None of these options were really workable. The people turned to Moses in a panic, and what did he tell them they should do? He responded, “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Ex 14:14) Wow! Talk about needing to trust in the Lord! Their trust was well placed, however, and they were saved in a miraculous way when God blocked the army with a pillar of fire and opened an escape route through the sea. To finish the job with remarkable finality, He then drowned the army, eliminating threat from that direction altogether. Why did He do this? For His glory, Exodus 14:4 tells us. He made it clear throughout Exodus that those He had mercy on would be taken care of, provided for in every way, while those who invoked His wrath would be punished. (Rom 9:17, 22-23)
Even when we’re not in such life-threatening situations as this, it’s still hard for us to just step aside and let the Lord work His will in our lives. But Psalm 37:7 tells us to “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Do you know what I think? I think sometimes God finds it necessary to “trap” us in order to get us to “be still” while He does what needs to be done, or teaches us what we need to know. After all, He placed the Israelites in the position of having to trust Him (Ex 14:1-4). I suspect He still does that today, though perhaps in a less dramatic way. Maybe instead of getting frustrated over my powerlessness, I should accept that I’ve done all I can for myself for now, and so need to be still and wait on the Lord while He fights my battles or whatever else He chooses to do for me. That puts “hurry up and wait” in a different light, don’t you think?

Father, I thank you for fighting for me. What a comfort it is, to know that I am so well protected by One who loves me so much! For if You are for me, who can stand against me? Thank you for all those times you've "trapped" me, encouraging me to be still while You do whatever needs done to further Your good plans. Help me to be quietly trusting and to wait upon You in the future when You find it necessary to corner me again. In Jesus' name, Amen.