This I Know

Author's note: This is another piece of writing from my archives. It was written during the summer of 2005, while our family was jumping through hoops to meet Uncle Sam's demands for medical testing on our then 3yr old, who has a relatively rare medical problem, to make sure he was fit to go overseas for our new foreign service posting. It was a very stressful time for us, but it was also a faith-building time... Funny how that often happens in times of stress. :-) This item was eventually published in The Encourager.

The popular children’s Sunday school song goes “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I don’t know about anyone else, but simply reading something doesn’t make it feel real to me. Nor does it make it feel personal. John 3:16 tells us that God created the whole salvation plan because He so loved the world. For me, that always seemed a bit impersonal, because I sure don’t equate myself with the rest of the world… A bit egocentric of me, I know. It has taken developing a personal relationship with the Lord, over time, to convince me that He loves me for myself and not just as part of His collective creativity. Recently, though, the depth of that love took on a new meaning for me.
There’s something about having the whole family cooped up together in a hotel room or a car for an extended amount of time that really pushes one’s buttons until loving one another becomes more a matter of commitment than of feeling. No matter how good the relationships are the rest of the time, I think even the best of them can start to get the best of us. Add in a plethora of strangers from doctors’ offices, restaurants, stores, and on the street, plus a hefty dose of stress on top of that, and it seems the whole world starts to get the better of us as we begin to long for some solitude far away from every two-legged creature capable of voicing demands or expressing opinions. Both my husband and I started finding ourselves amazed… no, make that flabbergasted… at just how stupid and strange human beings can be in general. I found myself commenting to him, “What does God see in us humans, anyway?!” And suddenly I got a glimpse of a love so great as to be beyond my understanding, and it would have brought me to my knees if I’d been standing.
Psalm 139:13-16 explains to us that God created our inmost being, and that we’re fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God saw our unformed bodies and all our days were written in His book long before our birth. To put it in other words, He knew us before we were formed in the womb, before we were born (Jer 1:5). Yet we were born anyway.
Picture this: a husband and wife spending a romantic evening together, perhaps having a candlelit dinner with dancing, and then just as they’re prepared to enter the bedroom, a messenger arrives to tell them that if they go through that bedroom door, they will conceive a child who will wreck their home; push their marriage to the limits of its commitment; get in their way and interfere in every project they undertake; cause them unimaginable heartache; AND will require great pain and suffering on the part of the parents to redeem the child’s life… How many couples do you know would still be in the mood? Even if this couple were also told all the wonderful things about such a child, I think in most cases there’d be a lot of nights ending with one spouse on the couch!
God could have chosen not to create us. He could have chosen to create only people who fit a certain set of criteria. He could have chosen to create only people that He knew weren’t going to cause Him a moment’s heartache, and would have made perfect choices to follow His plan at all times. He knew Adam and Eve were going to break His heart, but He created them anyway. Ditto for everyone else we read about in the Bible… Even those described as being faithful and after His heart made mistakes. Not one human has been perfect except Jesus Himself, and God has loved them all anyway.
That’s equally true today, with you and me. I’ve often wondered what good I am, wondered why I’m here, especially when chronic illness keeps me from doing anything that seems of any significance to me. I’ve been guilty of feeling worthless enough to think that the world God so loves means everybody except me, particularly if I’m feeling sorry for myself on a bad day. But God knew all along the sins I would commit over the course of my lifetime. He knew how often I was going to get in the way of His good work, necessitating a correction in the scheme of things to keep His plan on track. And He knew I’d be facing physical and emotional limitations that would keep me from being much in my own eyes. He knew all along just what sort of person I was going to be, all the details, good and bad. And He allowed me to be born anyway. That’s love. It’s a love beyond my understanding, but as long as God knows why He loves me, it’s good enough for me. So I sing with great joy, Jesus loves me, this I know!

Father, I thank you so very much for loving me, just as I am. I thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Your loving hand, and only the fallen world, and Your plan to build my character, has put these flaws- perceived and real- upon my body like battle scars. I thank you for making me who I am today, and thank you even more for making me who I will be tomorrow, for You aren't finished with me yet. Help me to be all that You have planned me to be. Shape me into a person after Your own heart, that I may bring You more joy than heartache. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.