Sin Diagnosis

It's been a long while since I've done any writing. I took a lot of verbal and virtual beatings on several fronts, did some major wrestling with the enemy over several issues, needed some time alone with my Lord to get my head on straight again, got my spirit renewed, and now I think I'm ready to come back to it.

First thing I'm ready to tackle is the subject of faith healing. Or rather, the judgmental attitude that a lot of us ill Christians face when such attempts fail, are denied/delayed, or whatever else you want to call it. I fully believe that God can and does heal today, just as He did when Jesus was still walking on the earth. I fully believe that I could be instantaneously and completely healed right now if God so chose to demonstrate His will in that way. I would be delighted if He did. I have prayed for that many times. I have had many people pray for that for me, both while laying hands on me and from afar, with oil and without. So far that prayer has not been answered, at least not in full. But I'm still saying that God is my King and I'm still trusting in His plan for me.

Now, over the years I've had a few people ask me from time to time if there might not be some sin that I've committed that perhaps I have failed to confess, and if perhaps that might not be what is keeping me from getting well. I've always appreciated that, for we Christians are called to keep each other on the straight and narrow. And sometimes when I've searched my heart, I've found something or other that wasn't right, and took it to my Lord in prayer, confessed, repented, and went on my merry way. But it never had any impact on my health. That's not to say that prayer never had any impact... God has always given me relief in one form or another (though never in the way I expected) whenever I truly reached the end of my rope in dealing with my health. Just never full relief from it... just enough for me to keep going.

Occasionally I've encountered some really obnoxious individuals who have INSISTED that there HAD to be some sin causing my illness, that there was no other explanation for it, and no other way to heal me than for me to come clean and confess this so-called hidden sin... Yeah, a sin SO hidden that I don't even know what it is! These individuals are absolutely unbelievable, because they just won't leave a subject alone, and will hound a person to death, so sure they're right, and so convinced that they're doing the Lord's work in browbeating ill people, trying to get them to confess to Lord knows what, for no other reason than they're sick! Don't bother holding Job up as an example, because Job "feared" what befell him, and "fearing is a sin!" Hello! God Almighty Himself called Job faithful (Job 1:8), then turned around and rewarded Job tenfold for remaining faithful through it all and made the 'friends' who insisted that he was sick because of sin apologize to him (well, not in so many words, but you know that's what's implied, when they had to go to Job in order to 'get right' with God again!), take sacrifices to him to be burnt on their behalves for their sin in speaking against God in this way (for assuming that God works in the way they insisted He does) and have Job say prayers for them (Job 42:8)! *snort* If you're reading this and you're one of the ones who acted in this way towards me, rest assured, I've prayed for you and forgiven you, even though I know and you know you've never come to me to make anything right with me (getting right with God is up to you.) A hug sure wouldn't hurt, though, if you ever get the opportunity to visit my neck of the woods. ;-) In the meantime, might I point out that it's dangerous to be so focused on possible splinters in the eyes of the sick that you miss the planks in your own eyes? If you have ever made the assumption that somebody was sick because they sinned, especially without really knowing anything about that person, please reread the book of Job, because not all illness is the result of sin.

I want to say that again.

Not ALL illness is the result of sin! (Reread Job AGAIN if you want to argue with me on that point. And I'm not splitting hairs about Adam, as this IS the post-Adam world. Don't be petty. Semantics irritate me.)

A few months ago, I had something new happen to me. I was introduced to something I had never even imagined encountering before... the notion that a person who didn't even know me, didn't know anything about me, could tell me what my sin was based on my symptoms. Turns out there's a whole ministry, with lots of followers, built on extractions from the bible all mixed together with a bit of modern medicine and psychology and... Voila!... Psychobabble with a spiritual twist! Now...To be fair, the pastor that started it all seems to have good intentions, and seems to have led a lot of people to healing, and for those people, I say "Wonderful! Hallelujah!!" There's a LOT to be said about the effect of guilt, fear, anger, self-hatred, bitterness and all those other negative emotions (sins!) on the human body, some that you maybe didn't intentionally choose but had foisted upon you by your upbringing, and it's a HUGE relief when you finally understand that the lies you may have been buying into for much of your life can no longer imprison you, and you're FREE! It may have even been the source of your illness, and you may find yourself healed as a result of that freedom!! Awesome! If you're ill and you've never looked into this possibility, it's worth a look, with caution. But... there's an awful lot of people who are getting trampled by the mob following along behind this movement and NOT getting healed...

Firstly, despite our world's fascination with putting everything in neat little packages, life just isn't that way. Don't believe me? Look at the animal kingdom classifications... as much as man tries to neatly divide all the animals into neat categories, God seems to delight in creating exceptions to man's attempts to create rules for everything. Look at the platypus, for crying out loud! It looks like it could easily belong to several different classifications of animal all by itself! Tell me God didn't chortle and say, "There, you silly children, try to classify THAT!" So now I'm supposed to believe that all people who suffer joint pain do so because they are failing to forgive? Or that all people who suffer autoimmunity are hating themselves? It doesn't wash. To me, it makes about as much sense as saying that because one man who jumped off a bridge broke his legs, ALL people with broken legs got them by jumping off bridges.

Secondly, what of those who go into faith healings with open hearts and minds, who genuinely seek to get completely right with God in every way, but aren't healed, then are treated as if it's somehow their faults they weren't healed? Is that right? Just abandon them to the enemy's lies? Shut them out from God's love? This is what happens to many of them, you know. I've talked to some of them, including some who have spiraled down into deep depression and some who have lost faith completely, and I heard the enemy trying to lie to me, too. You know what he was saying? "You're not worthy of being healed. You aren't really loved. Maybe you aren't really even forgiven your sins. Whatever it is you're supposed to do to be healed, you aren't doing it right. You can't. You might as well just give up. You can't please such a demanding god anyway. Just walk away. Go home. Leave everybody alone. Curl up and die already. Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you. Not even God. Who needs you?"






People... Please, please, please be very careful about handling issues of 'faith healing'... It really isn't a 'one size fits all' thing that works for everybody, and you must not point an accusatory finger at the person who is still sick when prayers for healing go seemingly unanswered. Sometimes God's answer is 'No', and sometimes His answer is 'Not Yet'. Sometimes these earthly bodies just plain old don't work right for organic reasons, or for things that don't have anything to do with us personally. Sometimes we reap the consequences of things that happened a long time ago: sins past, forgiven and forgotten. Sometimes we're stuck with the effects that this fallen world, and even other sinners, has had on our bodies. Though it's not absolutely clear that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' (2 Cor 12:7) was a physical infirmity, it likely was, so sometimes illness is used to keep us on the straight and narrow, guiding us closer to God. And sometimes, just maybe sometimes, we're like Job, shining examples of faithful servants, pointed out by our Fathers as someone who would still remain faithful even in adversity, and allowed to be test subjects, and will bring glory to Him if we remain true. A friend put it best, I think, when she said that God can't be summed up in a simple equation. Yes, He is unchanging, yes, He makes promises in Scripture, but we cannot manipulate Him based on that. We have to trust in His plan, trust in His timing, trust in His sovereignty, and know that in all things, He uses everything for the good of those who love Him. And if you are one of those who has heard the enemy's lies mentioned above, Dear Child... You are so very loved! Your Father knew you before the world was created, planned everything about you, and thinks you are 'to die for'. He delights in you, and if you've repented of your sins, then He has not only forgiven them, but forgotten them, separated them from you as far as the east is from the west. He will never leave you or forsake you, and is keeping track of your tears. Be strong and courageous, for you are not alone, and there is much for you to do here to further the Lord's work, for He can use you no matter what condition you are in, for in your weakness, He is strong. And He is with you always!

Father, Forgive us for judging one another, and help us forgive others who have judged us. Heal our hearts of the hurts that such judgments have left behind. So many of us are sick, and few of us have any idea why. Guide us to the answers that are right for us, whether it be confessing sins, uncovering lies we've believed, correcting organic problems, or simply asking and finally being HEALED, or merely being content with our lot for whatever purpose You might have for that, and keep us glorifying You all the way! Keep us pointing up at You in praise, and not at each other in accusations. Remind us to reach out to those who feel betrayed and lost by the church, and welcome them lovingly back into the fold, use us as your tools again, comforting and supporting ill Christians in their weakness until they are made well or until they are taken home to be with You. Reveal the enemy's lies for what they are, and fill us with Your love, no matter what our physical condition. Show us, if we're ill, how we can be of use to You, even in our weakness. Thank You, Jesus, for saving us repentants all, sick and healthy, just for believing in You and accepting Your gift of salvation so freely given! Amen


Scripture references I have turned to for comfort. May they comfort you as well: Book of Job, Psalm 103, Psalm 139, Jeremiah 29:11

Whatever!

Author's note: I told several people that I'm working on Proverbs 31 from the perspective of those who deal with chronic illness, and I am. I have one essay almost completed, and notes for the second one started. However, God keeps on teaching me in other areas,too, and I feel pushed to stop and write about those and post those as soon as possible, so consider this as a 'heads up' that the P31 essays may not be in uninterrupted order, but may be interspersed with other material. :-) Bear with me!


"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
-Philippians 4:8

Is the glass half full for you, or is it half empty? Sometimes one or sometimes the other? Or both at once? For me, it's usually both, because I'm rather pragmatic by nature, always looking at the practical side of things and trying to be logically factual. Most of the time I think that's a good thing. I think I'd have made a good reporter by traditional standards, because I can see and understand both sides of most issues. My ability to be objective makes me a good mediator and peacemaker. You won't catch me lying or intentionally distorting the truth. This attitude carries far enough that I have gotten stuck on the common courtesy question of "How are you?" With frequent aches and pains, I have felt like I'm lying if I reply, "Fine!" yet I also know that the person asking rarely wants a full disclosure of the truth. :-) Sometimes, though, such a factual attitude can be hurtful if I'm not careful, I've learned.

The problem I've been running into is that in reporting, with equal weight, both sides of the glass' fill line (or giving more weight to the glass being half empty, in the case of more negative moods) is that I'm focusing too much on the things that fill me with discontentment and create a spirit of rebellion within me. I'm detracting from the joy that I get from my many blessings. I'm robbing myself of the positive attitude that makes the day go more smoothly, because positivity and negativity are contagious. I'm even hindering healing! A new friend pointed out to me that I was inadvertently hurting myself by claiming illness as a part of myself, as in "MY illness, MY pain, MY disease, etc." While we're called to rejoice in our sufferings because they help us grow stronger and more Christ-like and thus fill us with hope (Romans 5:3-4), claiming illness as part of ourselves is taking that the wrong direction, for by doing so, we aren't growing through it, but are getting ourselves stuck in it. We lose any hope of being healed, because we're hanging onto this thing we've made a part of ourselves, have accepted into ourselves, and have decided that this is the way it's going to be from here on out, sometimes in the name of "accepting reality" as our society tells us we ought. How can we rejoice if we have lost hope? Cannot God change "reality"? Does He not provide healing? Of course He can and does! With God, all things are possible, if we believe! (Mark 9:23)

Now I'm not saying we should deny the truth of our experiences. I believe it's okay to say that we're struggling with this pain or that physical challenge, as long as we don't take possession of it, for how can we ask for help or healing if we don't? I'm not advocating being a false witness in denying that something is going on when it is. But I plan to take captive all my thoughts on such things (2 Cor. 10:5) to make sure I don't close the door on what is possible for God by talking myself right into unbelief, and make certain that I'm not aiding the enemy in keeping me stuck within the trials and tribulations that come my way! I plan to be more careful about the words I use to describe my health or any other area of difficulty, and I'm hard at work changing my own inner self-talk. Instead of cataloguing everything that I'm feeling (and at times I've been prone to pity parties, I admit it!), I'm noting what needs attention, doing whatever I can to take care of myself, then handing the rest over to the Lord, the Great Physician, in prayer. Once I've done that, I move on to thinking about what is good, focusing on the positive, enjoying the half of the glass that is full, and singing God's praises for everything (well, at least in my head, for I've learned not to add to my family's suffering by singing out loud in their hearing very often, since I can't carry a tune in a paper bag to save my life! LOL)

I have stopped referring to myself as being chronically ill, though I acknowledge that my health isn't as good as it ought to be. I have begun answering that question of "How are you?" with a reply of "Good enough!" for if I'm able to be around people who can ask that, then I'm doing well enough to be out and about. I have stopped expecting that I am always going to feel bad, or even that I'm going to feel bad when I wake up in the morning or after I do this or that. I have stopped complaining to my family about all the aches and pains, and it's been noticed... They aren't looking so gloomy and anxious these days. I'm seeing more smiles and a little bounce in their steps, even as they're still considerate about taking my needs into account. And something absolutely wonderful is happening to me, too... I'm feeling better! Much better than I used to think I could! I haven't been blessed with complete healing yet, despite earnest prayers both from me and from others on my behalf, but I have some additional thoughts on that and still have hope that eventually I will be so blessed. In the meantime, I am accomplishing more than I have in a long time. My days are full and my nights are more restful. Life is good. There's plenty of noble, lovely and praiseworthy things to think about.

Whatever! :-)


Father, thank you for giving us so many good, praiseworthy things to think about; for giving us so many blessings to focus on! Thank you for Your promise that all things are possible with You, if we believe, including full healing of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives. Help us with our unbelief, and heal us according to Your good plan for us: Your plan to prosper us and give us a hope and a future, and not to harm us. Teach us to remain focused on You, always, for only You are always true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Teach us to see Your touch on our lives and on the world around us, that we might not be overwhelmed by the things that are not of You, including pain and suffering. Build in us thankful, joyful and hope-filled hearts, so that we may shine with Your light even while we're in the midst of trials and tribulations. In Jesus' name, Amen.