Whatever!

Author's note: I told several people that I'm working on Proverbs 31 from the perspective of those who deal with chronic illness, and I am. I have one essay almost completed, and notes for the second one started. However, God keeps on teaching me in other areas,too, and I feel pushed to stop and write about those and post those as soon as possible, so consider this as a 'heads up' that the P31 essays may not be in uninterrupted order, but may be interspersed with other material. :-) Bear with me!


"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
-Philippians 4:8

Is the glass half full for you, or is it half empty? Sometimes one or sometimes the other? Or both at once? For me, it's usually both, because I'm rather pragmatic by nature, always looking at the practical side of things and trying to be logically factual. Most of the time I think that's a good thing. I think I'd have made a good reporter by traditional standards, because I can see and understand both sides of most issues. My ability to be objective makes me a good mediator and peacemaker. You won't catch me lying or intentionally distorting the truth. This attitude carries far enough that I have gotten stuck on the common courtesy question of "How are you?" With frequent aches and pains, I have felt like I'm lying if I reply, "Fine!" yet I also know that the person asking rarely wants a full disclosure of the truth. :-) Sometimes, though, such a factual attitude can be hurtful if I'm not careful, I've learned.

The problem I've been running into is that in reporting, with equal weight, both sides of the glass' fill line (or giving more weight to the glass being half empty, in the case of more negative moods) is that I'm focusing too much on the things that fill me with discontentment and create a spirit of rebellion within me. I'm detracting from the joy that I get from my many blessings. I'm robbing myself of the positive attitude that makes the day go more smoothly, because positivity and negativity are contagious. I'm even hindering healing! A new friend pointed out to me that I was inadvertently hurting myself by claiming illness as a part of myself, as in "MY illness, MY pain, MY disease, etc." While we're called to rejoice in our sufferings because they help us grow stronger and more Christ-like and thus fill us with hope (Romans 5:3-4), claiming illness as part of ourselves is taking that the wrong direction, for by doing so, we aren't growing through it, but are getting ourselves stuck in it. We lose any hope of being healed, because we're hanging onto this thing we've made a part of ourselves, have accepted into ourselves, and have decided that this is the way it's going to be from here on out, sometimes in the name of "accepting reality" as our society tells us we ought. How can we rejoice if we have lost hope? Cannot God change "reality"? Does He not provide healing? Of course He can and does! With God, all things are possible, if we believe! (Mark 9:23)

Now I'm not saying we should deny the truth of our experiences. I believe it's okay to say that we're struggling with this pain or that physical challenge, as long as we don't take possession of it, for how can we ask for help or healing if we don't? I'm not advocating being a false witness in denying that something is going on when it is. But I plan to take captive all my thoughts on such things (2 Cor. 10:5) to make sure I don't close the door on what is possible for God by talking myself right into unbelief, and make certain that I'm not aiding the enemy in keeping me stuck within the trials and tribulations that come my way! I plan to be more careful about the words I use to describe my health or any other area of difficulty, and I'm hard at work changing my own inner self-talk. Instead of cataloguing everything that I'm feeling (and at times I've been prone to pity parties, I admit it!), I'm noting what needs attention, doing whatever I can to take care of myself, then handing the rest over to the Lord, the Great Physician, in prayer. Once I've done that, I move on to thinking about what is good, focusing on the positive, enjoying the half of the glass that is full, and singing God's praises for everything (well, at least in my head, for I've learned not to add to my family's suffering by singing out loud in their hearing very often, since I can't carry a tune in a paper bag to save my life! LOL)

I have stopped referring to myself as being chronically ill, though I acknowledge that my health isn't as good as it ought to be. I have begun answering that question of "How are you?" with a reply of "Good enough!" for if I'm able to be around people who can ask that, then I'm doing well enough to be out and about. I have stopped expecting that I am always going to feel bad, or even that I'm going to feel bad when I wake up in the morning or after I do this or that. I have stopped complaining to my family about all the aches and pains, and it's been noticed... They aren't looking so gloomy and anxious these days. I'm seeing more smiles and a little bounce in their steps, even as they're still considerate about taking my needs into account. And something absolutely wonderful is happening to me, too... I'm feeling better! Much better than I used to think I could! I haven't been blessed with complete healing yet, despite earnest prayers both from me and from others on my behalf, but I have some additional thoughts on that and still have hope that eventually I will be so blessed. In the meantime, I am accomplishing more than I have in a long time. My days are full and my nights are more restful. Life is good. There's plenty of noble, lovely and praiseworthy things to think about.

Whatever! :-)


Father, thank you for giving us so many good, praiseworthy things to think about; for giving us so many blessings to focus on! Thank you for Your promise that all things are possible with You, if we believe, including full healing of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives. Help us with our unbelief, and heal us according to Your good plan for us: Your plan to prosper us and give us a hope and a future, and not to harm us. Teach us to remain focused on You, always, for only You are always true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Teach us to see Your touch on our lives and on the world around us, that we might not be overwhelmed by the things that are not of You, including pain and suffering. Build in us thankful, joyful and hope-filled hearts, so that we may shine with Your light even while we're in the midst of trials and tribulations. In Jesus' name, Amen.